I have a dilemma. Maybe you've had the same problem and can lend insight to help.
You see, I've had this really big dream for awhile now. I've written about it before, Craving the Dream, but my dilemma now isn't the dream itself, but about my struggle with spiritual expectations.
I believe some big dreams are realized by a series of small dreams that happen along the way to the big dream, sort of like checkpoints along the road. These mini-dream achievements happen on the journey to reaching the big dream.
I'm approaching a checkpoint very soon and find myself struggling between two different trains of thoughts.
As a Jesus believer, I've been taught to pray BIG. Ask for the miracle. Believe in the impossible. So this I do—pray BIG, dream BIG, and hope it might happen.
But then, I feel my ego or flesh or worldly desire—whatever you want to call it—engage in a big way. My thoughts turn to all the reasons why I need and want the dream checkpoint to happen. How everyone will witness my deep devotion to the dream and it will account for my investment of time and money. Like a huge validation sticker is placed on my life. I know. Pure EGO.
So then I reign my ego back in, and give the dream checkpoint back to God. After all, I want His will and timing, but even more, I want Him to receive the glory, not me.
But somehow this doesn't feel right either. Like I don't have to have an active part in this dream checkpoint. God is the God of action, not sit by and thump your fingers on the table. James 2:26 says, "For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."
That's my dilemma. Dream with ego OR trust, be inactive, and wait with patience.
I'm aware that God knows my heart for Him and my super-inflated ego are battling it out.
I sense Him shaking His head and reminding me, "Child, what matters is our relationship. You are my child whether the dream happens or not. Being patient requires fortitude and faith, both of which require action on your part. Stay active in the pursuit of the dream but leave the results to Me."
So once again, I hand off the dream checkpoint to my Father and find hope. For now, peace replaces my angst over the dilemma. Now if I can just leave it in His mighty hands and not take it back.
To Him be the Glory…and the results.
What about you? Do you have insight on dealing with your ego and waiting on God's timing? Do you struggle with taking back issues you've handed over to Him? Please join the conversation and leave a comment. Thanks.