Love Complications

What is it about love that makes it so complicated?

I love God. I love my husband. I love my family. I love my puppy. I love ice tea. I love my home. I love my country. I love nature. 

So we use the same word to describe our fondness for an inanimate something, like ice tea or a breathing someone, like my husband. Singular, like my puppy or plural, like my family. A recipient who also is capable of love, like God or a recipient which has no concept of love, like my home. Something which varies by season and location, like nature or something more regional and cultural, like my country.

Love can be an attachment like ice tea that if taken from me, will produce sadness yet acceptance will quickly prevail or love can be more deeply ingrained producing terror like if my puppy is in danger. 

Love can feel warm and soft like holding a newborn baby in your arms or full of fury and fear when someone or something threatens your loved one. Love can be instantaneous like seeing the ocean for the first time or can grow slowly deeper--year after year--like a good marriage.

So why is love on my mind these days?

Hubby commented to a co-worker how much I love our puppy, Moose. 

How does he know this? My constant affirmations to my little brown man. "You're the best pup ever." And "Mama loves her sweet boy." You get the picture.

Hubby's point is that sweet affirmations aren't routinely dripping off my tongue for him. So he says to me, "Do a blog about why that is."

Why is it so easy to love my pet and so readily show it? Is it because Moose goes completely outrageous with excitement every time I return home? Or that he never argues with me?  Or I don't ever fear his disappointment of me?  Or I don't worry about him packing up and moving on? He just loves me, plain and simple. Unconditionally. 

Hubby and I will celebrate 34 years of marriage in August. Why is it that I'm less demonstrative of my love for him than to my pup?  I've given this quite a bit of thought.

And here are my conclusions—

• I'm not genetically wired to be extremely affectionate to other people. I wasn't raised in a hugging or affirming family environment.

• Even though I've overcome some of my childhood trust issues, they still influence my thoughts and actions. If Hubby knows how much I need and love him, what prevents him from using that as a weapon to hurt me?  That line of thinking won't make a lot of sense to most folks, but to people who have deep-seated trust issues, they'll completely understand.

• I'm a believer in actions and in my opinion my actions speak clearly of my love for him. Not just the housework and cooking actions, but the meticulous way I'm a business and life partner. (Now the same could be said of Hubby too, which is why I think we make a perfect team.)

I'm not making excuses for my lack of demonstrative love for my husband or family. These are my personal explanations of my behavior.

The problem is that I truly want to live an authentic, "be-like-Christ" life. Deep love resides in my heart and yet, I'm not genuinely living that love—with the exception of my Moose. So I've found a place that requires some soul-work. And with some trepidation, I must begin to bond action with more visible, affirming, hands-on love.

Pray for me. Change is never easy. Neither is love.

Galations 5:6b, The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.

How about you? Are you expressive with your love or more reserved? Let's share our journey and learn from each other.


Tammy Van Gils is a writer, blogger, and co-owner of S & N Paint Contractors, Inc. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers and Word Weavers International. In the Richmond area, she is a member of The Christian Writers Hub and Word Weavers Richmond. Visit her Facebook Page, Pinterest and Twitter @Tammyvangils.