Communication & Relationships

Have you ever had one of these conversations?

"So what have you been up to?" I ask.

"Same old thing."

"Well, I guess you know what to expect. How's the family?" Me again.

"They're fine."

"That's good. Any plans for the weekend?" I probe hoping for an answer with more than five words.

"Don't know yet."

I bet you've had these kinds of interactions too. But honestly, that's the problem. They aren't an interaction. Feels more like I serve up the volley ball and they let it zoom past and wished I'd move on and leave them alone.

Sometimes I do just that. Explain I have to go and will catch up with them later, hoping maybe then they will want to really communicate and not leave me doing all the work.

Or what about the conversations that are one sided?

You know, they talk about their family and never ask about yours and then they go into a tirade about how busy they are and never ask what you've been up to and then they want to convince you of how hard life has treated them but don't want to hear about your heartaches. Yep, that's pretty frustrating too. Like they want to play volley ball but only serve and lob the ball into your court—over and over again.

Communication has been on mind lately. Now I'm not talking about a person who once in a blue moon interacts like one of the above examples, but the one who consistently relates this way.

Good communication takes genuine interest, valuable time, and respect for balance discussion—like a well-played volley ball game. Back and forth over the net, with finesse and accuracy. I feel valued when the other person has asked about my life, even if I don't really have any news to share. Even if the conversation has been on a difficult topic, at least both sides were able to express feelings and opinions.

Relationships are like that too. They require genuine interest, valuable time, and respect.  It seems like many relationships today are shallow and not because of busy-ness, or expensive long distance charges.

In my opinion, Me-ism (only caring for yourself) and not understanding how true communication and relationships work are the reasons suitable connections are lacking today. That is sad.

Now allow me to apologize if I have ever communicated this way with you. Since I'm now more aware of the importance of quality and meaningful communication and relationships, I promise to be mindful of my future interactions.

One last thought. It's not my job to teach others how to play ball or how to effectively communicate, but I can lead by example and hope they will finally understand this is supposed to be a two-sided interaction with meaningful, harmonic consideration for each other. Maybe one day they will pick up on the natural rhythm—like a back and forth volley—and actually experience better communication and deeper relationship.

What about you? Do you have any insight to help these types of conversations or how to improve relationships? Please share so we can learn from your experiences.